This day last year was the worst day of my entire life. Today is the one year anniversary of my dad’s suicide. Getting the news was horrific. Having to relay the message to my mom was another deeper level of pain. I didn’t know if I was going to get through it and at times I really believed that this would be my undoing.
But one of the thoughts that kept me afloat: Nothing is permanent — Nothing lasts. I remember counting the passing time and thinking that if I could get through this hour, I can get through the next hour. If I could get through this day, I can get through the next day. As time passed, I survived the days which turned into weeks which turned into months. Each passing day felt like an accomplishment.
Allowing yourself to experience pain is brave. Pain is a scary thing to endure and not running nor trying to reach out to numb the pain with worldly pleasures is a sign of strength. If you’re in pain, you’re living. You’re most likely a compassionate person because you let yourself experience what is naturally human, and therefore can authentically relate to people all over the world. We all feel pain and our pain does not define us because it’s not permanent. Events do not define us either, and if someone tries to define you a depressed person because you had a few sad months, or in my case, someone tries to label you as the “girl whose dad killed himself”, give them love. Love them because they’re scared of the real world and how gruesome it can be – love them because they’re missing out on the beauty of human emotion – love them because they are static characters in this novel of life. They’ll remain the same as the rest of us grow, and THAT which remains consistent is a true definition.
And I leave you with this song to encourage you that no matter where you are or where you were, you can still go wherever you want. It might take a while but if you keep going fearlessly you’ll get somewhere, even if it’s to a place you never expected. Don’t stop. Grow. Change. Fail. Succeed. Cry. Laugh. And thank you to all who helped me through my darkest time in my life because it has helped me recognize and appreciate the best time in my life.