I’m a schemer. Scheming of short cuts, get-rich-quick ideas and loopholes. One of my recent schemes that passed through my mind was to travel more by becoming a flight attendant. That idea was quickly dismissed by my an overwhelming flood of common sense because I would not be able to put up with all the crap that flight attendants have to deal with. I admire them. They’ve got the patience of a saints and for that reason I can’t be a part of their exclusive sky club. Here’s a few reasons why flight attendants deserve awards.
1.) Bio warfare
I hate puking. I hate it so much that I went 10 years without yacking – a 10 year clean streak that was rudely interrupted by my first attempt at eating oysters. Perhaps it was because I was in Milwaukee when I tried oysters. Who eats oysters in Milwaukee?! Apparently I do.
Nothing sucks more than getting sick while in transit, and I’m sure the pinnacle of sucky mountain is getting sick while on a plane. And who is there to clean up the after math? The flight attendant, who has to do it with a smile on his or her face because they’re on the clock and customer service is top priority, even if that customer just lost their in flight meal all over the cabin.
2.) Unruly Passengers
As a traveler I can’t stand unruly passengers, so I don’t understand how flight attendants can put up with them. Though I do admire the ones who stand up for morality and knock down the people who think they are more important. Like the famous tale of a racist guy who was sat next to a black man in coach and after complaining about it the flight attendant upgraded the black guy to first class. I applaud thee, quick-witted team!
3.) Mile High Club
Not on my watch! I’m the Queen of the Cock Block! I guess this would be the only job that I could do correctly.
4.) Dating Life Would be Non-Existent
As a traveler, I already have enough trouble keeping tabs on all of my relationships including friends, family and especially dating. A lot of dynamics can change while you’re away, even if it’s just for a week. So I wouldn’t even want to imagine the havoc that would be wrought upon my dating life if I were a flight attendant. Let’s just say I have a feeling that no relationships would get up off the ground.